top of page
Search

Unhealthy vs Healthy Versions of Emotions

thomaschilds5



Any given emotion has a healthy and unhealthy version. This information taken from Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) from a clinical study. Even searching for the study didn't give me any concrete results but I believe it comes from this study: Dryden, W., David, D., & Ellis, A. (2010). Rational emotive behavior therapy. In K. S. Dobson (Ed.), Handbook of cognitive-behavioral therapies (3rd ed., pp. 226–276). Guilford Press.


The author uses different words to describe some of the rational or irrational versions of an emotion, even though they are technically the same emotion. Instead of rational and irrational, I will use healthy and unhealthy.


I recommend using this list as a way to monitor if you deal with your emotions in a healthy or unhealthy way.



Healthy Anger vs Unhealthy Anger

Unhealthy:

  • You attack the other(s) physically.

  • You attack the other(s) verbally.

  • You attack the other(s) passive-aggressively.

  • You direct the attack onto another person, animal, or object.

  • You withdraw aggressively.

  • You recruit allies against the other(s).

  • You overestimate the extent to which the other(s) acted deliberately.

  • You see ill intent in the motives of the other(s).

  • You see yourself as definitely right and the other(s) as definitely wrong.

  • You plot to exact revenge.


Healthy:

  • You assert yourself with the other(s).

  • You request, but do not demand, behavioral change from the other(s).

  • You leave an unsatisfactory situation non-aggressively after taking steps to deal with it.

  • You do not overestimate the extent to which the other(s) acted deliberately.

  • You are able to see the point of view of the other(s).

  • You do not plot to exact revenge.

  • You do not see ill intent in the motives of the other(s).

  • You do not see yourself as definitely right and the other(s) as definitely wrong.



Anxiety vs Concern

Unhealthy:

  • You withdraw physically from the threat.

  • You withdraw mentally from the threat.

  • You ward off the threat (e.g., by superstitious behavior).

  • You tranquilize your feelings.

  • You seek reassurance.

  • You overestimate the probability of the threat occurring.

  • You underestimate your ability to cope with the threat.

  • You create an even more negative threat in your mind.

  • You have more task-irrelevant thoughts than in the rational belief.


Healthy:

  • You face up to the threat.

  • You deal with the threat constructively.

  • You take constructive action to reduce/minimize the risk of danger.

  • You are realistic about the probability of the threat occurring.

  • You view the threat realistically.

  • You realistically assess your ability to cope with the threat.

  • You do not create an even more negative threat in your mind.

  • You have more task-relevant thoughts than in the irrational belief.



Unhealthy Jealousy vs Unhealthy Jealousy

Unhealthy:

  • You seek constant reassurance that you are loved.

  • You monitor the actions and feelings of your partner.

  • You search for evidence that your partner is involved with someone else.

  • You attempt to restrict the movements or activities of your partner.

  • You set tests that your partner has to pass.

  • You retaliate for your partner’s assumed infidelity.

  • You sulk.

  • You tend to see threats to your relationship when none really exist.

  • You think the loss of your relationship is imminent.

  • You misinterpret your partner’s ordinary conversations with relevant others as having romantic or sexual meaning.

  • You construct visual images of your partner’s infidelity.

  • If your partner admits to finding another attractive, you think that he or she finds the person more attractive than you and that he or she will leave you for this person.


Healthy:

  • You allow your partner to express love for you without seeking reassurance.

  • You allow your partner freedom without monitoring his or her feelings, actions, and whereabouts.

  • You allow your partner to show natural interest in members of the opposite sex without setting tests.

  • You tend not to see threats to your relationship when none exist.

  • You do not misinterpret ordinary conversations between your partner and relevant others.

  • You do not construct visual images of your partner’s infidelity.

  • You accept that your partner will find others attractive, but do not see this as a threat.



Depression vs Sadness

Unhealthy:

  • You withdraw from healthy things that make you feel good.

  • You withdraw into yourself.

  • You create an environment consistent with your depressed feelings.

  • You attempt to get rid of feelings of depression in self-destructive ways.

  • You see only negative aspects of the loss or failure.

  • You think of other losses and failures that you have experienced.

  • You think you are unable to help yourself (helplessness).

  • You are hopeless about the situation or the future.


Healthy:

  • You seek out healthy things that make you feel good after a period of mourning.

  • You express your feelings about the loss or failure and talk about these to significant others.

  • You are able to recognize both negative and positive aspects of the loss or failure.

  • You think you are able to help yourself.

  • You look to the future with hope.



Hurt vs Sorrow

Unhealthy:

  • You shut down communication with the other.

  • You sulk and make obvious you feel hurt without disclosing details of the matter.

  • You indirectly criticize or punish the other for the offense.

  • You overestimate the unfairness of the other person’s behavior.

  • You think that the other person does not care for you or is indifferent to you.

  • You see yourself as alone, uncared for, or misunderstood.

  • You tend to think of past “hurts."

  • You expect the other to make the first move toward repairing the relationship.


Healthy:

  • You communicate your feelings to the other directly.

  • You influence the other person to act in a fairer manner toward you.

  • You are realistic about the degree of unfairness in the other person’s behavior.

  • You think that the other person has acted badly rather than as demonstrating lack of caring or showing indifference.

  • You do not see yourself as alone, uncared for, or misunderstood.

  • You are less likely to think of past “hurts.”

  • You do not think that the other has to make the first move.



Guilt vs Remorse

Unhealthy:

  • You escape from the unhealthy pain of guilt in self-defeating ways.

  • You beg forgiveness from the person you wronged.

  • You promise unrealistically that you will not “sin” again.

  • You punish yourself physically or by going without something (e.g., food).

  • You defensively deny responsibility for wrongdoing.

  • You reject offers of forgiveness.

  • You assume sole responsibility for the situation.

  • You assume more personal responsibility than the situation warrants.

  • You assign far less responsibility to others than is warranted.

  • You do not think of things that would make the situation better.

  • You think that you will receive “pay back.”


Healthy:

  • You face up to the healthy pain that accompanies the realization that you have done wrong.

  • You ask, but do not beg, for forgiveness.

  • You understand your actions and commit to changing in the future.

  • You atone for the wrong by taking a penalty if there is one.

  • You make appropriate amends.

  • You do not make excuses for your behavior or are defensive.

  • You do accept offers of forgiveness.

  • You take into account all relevant data when judging whether or not you have done wrong.

  • You assume an appropriate level of responsibility.

  • You assign an appropriate level of responsibility to others.

  • You take into account things that would make the situation better.

  • You put your behavior into overall context.

  • You do not think you will receive “pay back.”



Shame vs Disappointment

Unhealthy:

  • You remove yourself from the “gaze” of others.

  • You isolate yourself from others.

  • You save face by attacking other(s) who have “shamed” you.

  • You defend your threatened self-esteem in self-defeating ways.

  • You overestimate the “shamefulness” of the information.

  • You overestimate the likelihood that the judging group will notice or be interested in the information.

  • You overestimate the degree of disapproval you or your group will receive.

  • You ignore attempts by others to restore your social balance.

  • You overestimate the length of time any disapproval will last.


Healthy:

  • You continue to participate actively in social interaction.

  • You respond well to attempts of others to restore social balance.

  • You see the information revealed in a compassionate, self-accepting context.

  • You are realistic about the likelihood that the judging group will notice or be interested in the information revealed.

  • You are realistic about the degree of disapproval you or your group will receive.

  • You are realistic about the length of time any disapproval will last.



Healthy Envy vs Unhealthy Envy

Unhealthy:

  • You put the person down who has the desired possession

  • If you had the chance, you would take away the desired possession from the other

  • (either so that you will have it or that the other is deprived of it)

  • If you had the chance you would spoil or destroy the desired possession so that the other person does not have it

  • You tend to put down, in your mind, the value of the desired possession and/or the person who possesses it

  • You try to convince yourself that you are happy with your possessions (although you are not)

  • You think about how to acquire the desired possession regardless of its usefulness

  • You think about how to deprive the other person of the desired possession

  • You think about how to spoil or destroy the other’s desired possession


Healthy:

  • You strive to obtain the desired possession if it is truly what you want

  • You honestly admit to yourself that you desire the possession

  • You do not try to convince yourself that you are happy with your possession when you are not

  • You think about how to obtain the desired possession because you desire it for healthy reasons

  • You can allow the other person to have and enjoy the desired possession without putting down or devaluing that person or the possession.

20 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet

Add a rating
  • Instagram
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
  • YouTube
  • TikTok
bottom of page